Gambling Jokes: 17 Best

A band like Kiss, a lot of those are our audience but we don't do as much make-up. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker. The idea is simple: My luck at the gambling table was varied; sometimes I was fifty to a hundred dollars ahead, and at other times I had to borrow money from my fellow workmen to settle my room rent and pay for my meals. He is alluding to the fact that, even if you are a top player, luck will always play its part in poker. This is a rather harsh way of describing almost ever bet ever made — but in a manner of speaking, it's also correct.

Eat your betting money but don't bet your eating money. –Unknown

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On the other hand, folding those bills will surely make your wallet look a little fatter though this doesn't work quite as well with coins. If casinos asked people to put cash on the table every time they wanted to make a bet, they'd make a lot less money.

But turn that cash into chips, and suddenly it's a whole lot easier to push them into the pot or bet them at the roulette table. This chip isn't just a scheme to part you from your money, though: Terry Murphy has written a lot about gambling over the years, but few of his quotes are more insightful than this one. We probably all know gamblers who make the same mistakes again and again for years on end, and a lot of them even consider themselves experts on the games they play!

Of course, this doesn't have to be your fate: These two quotes from great comedians of their time are two of the funniest gambling jokes around, and they're both great examples of the styles of the men who said them. Hedberg had an extremely dry sense of humor, and always took his jokes in an unexpected direction that was sure to get laughs.

Meanwhile, Rogers took a more direct approach, but that makes his play on words no less amusing. If you've ever listened to Phil Hellmuth talk, you know that we could easily fill an entire page with quotes by the "Poker Brat. In a way, Phil might be right — if it weren't for luck, skilled players would always beat less skilled opponents. But then, why would the opponents play at all? The mix of skill and luck is what makes poker and many other gambling games so fascinating, and what keeps players coming back for more.

A chat with a proud Phil Hellmuth Sr. A surging Daniel Negreanu claims bracelet No. From the Park Dept. Send to a Friend. Gary serves as Casino City's managing editor and has more than 20 years experience as a writer and editor. He also manages new business ventures for Casino City. A member of the inaugural Poker Hall of Fame Media Committee and a current member of the Women in Poker Hall of Fame voting panel, Gary enjoys playing poker and blackjack, but spends most of his time sitting in the comfy confines of the sportsbook when in Las Vegas.

The rest I spent foolishly. Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email. To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you. Each email contains an unsubscribe link. But I used to have a bit of a gambling problem. And that would have been the answer to my prayers. It got worse when I started playing this character, too. I'm not a gambling-man.

I have never bet a dollar in all my life. Yes, I think poker really isn't gambling. There is no gambling like politics. No presidential candidate should visit Las Vegas without condemning organized gambling. I didn't want to be a slave to any passion anymore. I gave up card playing altogether, even bridge and gambling - more or less.

It took me a few years to get out of it. Gambling is a disease of barbarians superficially civilized. We are already too dependent on gambling revenue. If we continue, we will soon be owned by them. Putting a stop to internet gambling is a necessary reform that targets flagrant violations of state and federal laws.

I do not support gambling in this state. Italians come to ruin most generally in three ways, women, gambling, and farming. My family chose the slowest one. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle. In fact, a University of Connecticut study showed that as many as three in four pre-teens and teens who are exposed to Internet gambling become addicted. The attraction in this city is money, from gambling. What you are if you work here is a shill. Gambling with cards or dice or stocks is all one thing.

It's getting money without giving an equivalent for it. The sure way of getting nothing for something. The President must stop gambling with taxpayers' money and get the country back on the path of fiscal sanity. Part of it went on gambling, and part of it went on women. No wife can endure a gambling husband; unless he is a steady winner. I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling.

I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. Sometimes a favorite loses. That's why they call it gambling, and that's why they keep flipping over the cards. Even though I had a lucrative contract with MGM, I had a husband who was drinking and gambling our money away faster than I could make it. A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian. I wanted to do an episode about Chuck having a gambling problem.

I wanted to portray my addiction on the show. But I think it's a little edgy for Saturday night. Yes, prudently invested contributions to the Social Security fund may bring greater dividends, but those contributions would also face a greater risk. It would be like gambling.

16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling