Gambling Jokes: 17 Best

Las Vegas means "the meadows" in Spanish. His chips are moving. The Stardust was the first hotel in Vegas to add a sports book to its casino. Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes. Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published.

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Hollywood Casino

I thought you were watching the dice! A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie.

He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab! One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well, who should he see more A guy went to Las Vegas, and won big, really big, in one of the casinos. When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money you have won.

After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decided to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite. The guy went up to the room, opened the big double doors, and stepped into a three room suite. The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city.

There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen T. The guy dropped his bag of money in a chair and stood looking out the windows at the city. He realized he was all alone and needed someone to share his good fortune.

He called the front desk and told the clerk to send up one of the best, high-priced call girls in the city. Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the more Las Vegas means "the meadows" in Spanish.

In Nevada, there are more than , slot machines normally operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The first neon sign appeared in Las Vegas in at the Boulder Club.

The bell is the oldest symbol still used on today's slot machines. The average annual temperature in Las Vegas is 66 degrees. It would take years for one person to spend one night in every hotel room in Las Vegas. Shrimp consumption in Las Vegas is more than 60, pounds a day. He folded like a K-Mart lawnchair. Making that call qualifies you for the Special Olympics. That isn't a hand, it's a height.

There's a reason you lie in poker Some cowboys were playing poker in an Old West saloon. He aint playin the cards I dealt him! The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. I am just slow-playing aces! I came home from the pub four hours late last night. The wife of a doctor called the poker room to get her husband paged.

The house doesn't make doctor calls. May the flop be with you. If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all. I need a hand that doesn't look like a foot. Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. I need the money. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero. I hardly even know her! Shay After a donkey goes busted: Directed at a tournament player constantly using their timebank I've seen continents drift faster than you play" Let me put on my blindfold and we'll play pin the tail on the donkey.

I've folded more hands than an undertaker. I've seen more rags than a janitor. I don't have a straw long enough to suck out on you. How do you get 80 nice old ladies to curse at the same time? A man joins Gamblers Anonymous. Gifted What is poker hell like? A limit game at 9: What does a poker player eat for dinner? Whatever his comp card allows him to. Fish and Chips What is a poker player's favorite food?

Fish and Chips I'm in Vegas last week and a guy is standing in front of the Shoe and he appears to be pan handling. I wander by and he say's to me "Sir, my wife has died, but I need money to bury her. Can you help me out? You're just going to take it and go gambling! You can only play pocket jacks 3 ways, all of which are wrong. No one really notices when you are all in I bet you I could stop gambling. Poker jokes are like butt cracks- everyone has one and they all stink.

The Dealer