Online gambling: how I lost my wife, children and £750,000

Because the machines note intake is a bit dodgy, it often spits notes back out. In the end, what is the result? Sounds great Craig, keep it up. What would you do if you won the Mega Millions lottery? I know what my vices were and hopefully I'm managing to irradiate them The n you won't keep getting those tempting bonuses.


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Believe me - you got off cheap. I know it doesn't feel that way, but you did. As James put it, you've learned a valuable lesson that will last you a lifetime. Trust me on that! Just compare yourself even to someone who does NOT ever go off the deep end with their gambling. Let's take your average person who handles gambling just fine. They do treat it as entertainment, and they go to the casino and lose a couple hundred once every few months or so, but they do it over and over again.

It might take them a few years, but they will certainly lose more than you lost. It hurts a lot more losing it all in one shot, but you still are going to be better off in the long run than the majority of casual gamblers. That gut-wrenching feeling is a very healthy remind of what you COULD become if you ever let yourself fall into that trap again.

It would have been SO easy for you to have followed a different path. You lost a few months of your life because of one big mistake. Trust me - You're doing great! In fact, to the point that I feel like congratulating you! As for the singing dealer, you can just choker her in your dreams! It sucks at first to lose so much money, but I have found that once I am away from the casino and have more money than I lost I feel better about the times I have gone overboard..

I am always well aware of what i am spending when i play poker in a casino, and i never spend any money that i can't afford to lose in the first place. You have to be willing to die in order to live, this means that if you are going to play you have to be willing to go broke as well. If you are spending to much money, or money you need for other things then you may have an issue with gambling.

Do you neglect others to go gamble? Do you lie about how much you lose? Have you pushed other friends or family away? Do you struggle to pay bills that you had no issue with before?

If you said yes to these questions, then you may need to seek help right away. Most people who gamble only spend what they can afford to, and if they lose that money it is not a big deal. But some spend money they need, and these are the ones who need the help. But it proved to tempting. Just as if everyone knew, the topic of conversation over dinner was gambling last night.

I didn't know where to look. I feel so ashamed. Today's a new day. I slept better last night. It's the first time for about 6 nights I've not been alone in bed with my thoughts.

I Woke up with a sense of dread as I remembered what I'd done. Got a horrible numb feeling in my stomach that's still lingering. Sold a pair of Dirk Kuyt's match worn boots last night to another collector.

Or for something else maybe? Felt suicidal but would do it again, had an epiphany, im betting to win BIG losing hundreds weekly wouldnt matter if it works out, if it doesnt then welli tried and took the risk, sensible Adam, I feel for your story. It is so similar to mine and I guess many others. It is the worst feeling in the world. Over 3 years of gambling poke , quitting, relapsing, losing etc etc I have lost my life savings but more importantly my self respect.

Now my busienss is in trouble, my marriage is over and I have to rebuild. I read so many blogs by ex gambler and they all say the same things. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes, god knows I have. Over the last few weeks I have been deep in remorse for so many things, but that is gettng me nowhere.

No one's life is perfect, far from it, and we all up. I am trying now to move on, be kind to myself and rebuild what I have lost. My life will never be the same again, but hopefully now it will be better and so will yours. Keep posting whenever you need - don't keep thoughts in your head, it is much better to get them out. The great thing about this site is that you can then see what you wrote and where you were at a certain time.

Truth is you chose the chance to win over lifes jackpot, learn from it dont dwell on it, it will eat you up. Hi Adam, why not close that gambling account?

Better yet, why not ask them to ban you? The n you won't keep getting those tempting bonuses. The finances will take care of themselves if you stop gambling. Trying to keep things hidden will make it harder for you to do that.

In fact trying to keep things hidden can in itself send someone gambling as they try and recoup hidden losses or pay hidden debts. What positive steps can you take? A blocker for your PC so you can't reopen that gambling account or find another one? Someone to hold your money? Getting to GA meetings?

Not sure why I can't close my Betfred account. I've thought a lot about it but I can't bring myself to close it for good. There's been a few moments today when I've needed money but couldn't access any. Not for gambling, just for some shopping and that.

So far so good on day one again. Still got the numb feeling in my stomach and continual thoughts of how I'll never be able to get back what I've lost As hard as it is, it's better for you to come clean and tell your parents and girlfriend what you've done. The initial shock and upset it will cause will eventually lead to what they can do constructively to help you repair the damage.

In my experience, if you keep it a secret and exist in this secret world of gambling, you'll only continue to chase losses and compound the problem further. I've self excluded myself form many online gaming sites and now can't access most of them for 5 years.

You can also set daily gaming limits to reduce losses. Again, it's not a perfect solution because it's best that you don't gamble at all, but added to other measures it helps.

I have still found ways to gamble, that is why I'm on this forum and seeking outside help, but you still have family and people close to you that can support you, care for you and guide you through this, so don't shut them out. I let things escalate so far that I've pushed everyone close to me away, so I speak from experience. This fight is hard enough with the help of loved ones, but it's far, far more difficult if you stand alone in isolation like I do.

You may think that you have the ability to win all your losses back before anyone finds out, but even if you do, you'll think that you can go again and next time win big. I have won tens of thousands of pounds over the years and hardly ever quit while I was winning. I always pushed my luck further and further until I eventually lost everything.

There's never a happy ending to gambling, it always ends in misery. But still, it's a start. I've still not barred myself from Betfred.

It almost feels like I'm testing myself. To see if I can have it and not use it. Sounds silly, but I know I'll bar myself eventually. Still feel sick and empty inside. Been thinking a lot about the last couple of months. You'd think I'd be happy with that? That's when you know it's a problem I guess. I suppose when you've got to the point where your winning one, two, three grand in one spin online, nothing else really comes close.

In case your wondering, none of those amounts raised an eyebrow either. The numbness I've felt for gambling lately hasn't been healty. I used to play because I enjoyed the thrill of winning. That thrill died a long time ago.

It had almost become a second job I needed to go to every day. It's still my secret. Maybe when I can safely say I've done 50 days. As it stands at the moment, I've done nothing to deserve anyone's help or understanding. I need to prove to myself I can do it first I can relate to what you're saying. There are many times when I could have cashed out and won thousands, but because I had won large amounts in the past and because of how much I've lost over the years it was never enough.

I always push my luck to the brink until I eventually lose everything. That has happened to me on many occasions, I very rarely cash out when I'm winning. I gamble with trepidation and fear now, there's no fun factor in it. I know I can't afford to gamble a penny, yet I gamble every last penny I have on an all too regular basis! Just to pick up on something you said at the end of your latest post about you not deserving help, believe me, asking for help now and coming clean is the best thing you can do.

Now is the time to gather those close to you and meet this problem as a collective rather than face it in silence alone. Others may have a different view point, but from my experience, I can only say it as I see it.

Use your family, girlfriend and friends for support sooner rather than later, don't try to sort this out on your own. I obviously wish you all the best and hope that you stay strong day to day. Keep it going, you're doing great. Hi Adam it is good you are wanting to stop.

I would say you need to self exclude yourself from that online casino today! If you dont the odds are you will deposit again. Keeping it open means that possibly somewhere deep down you know you will gamble again! Exclude and do it now and exclude from any other casinos you may have open. Then install blocking software on your pcs to block ALL casinos.

Without this you could stumble again. Wishing you all the best!!! Just a note on blocking software. Others I wont comment on.

But gamblock is about as strong as it gets. But the real quitting starts from within. Self excluding from casinos is at the basic level and is a must in my book for any person who is struggling with an online based gambling addiction.

But hey thats just me. I've just been on the web site. I amy be interpreting it wrong but as I will be the administrator, won't i be able to change the settings.

Its a personal choice but I would choose Gambloc personal for home use. Basicially soon as it is installed and you agree to the terms that is it! You will not get access to any casinos nor any gaming related sites.

You will not be able to edit any of the settings nor will you be able to remove it. The bigger packages i think are for corporates or for familys where there is a admin which kinds of defeats the object if your doing this solo. Go for the lowest cheapest package for 1 year. Note that when gamblock is installed certain parts of your system will be locked.

You wont be able to run CMDs command line functions or access the bios etc. This may have changed in recent versions but I know when I used it a few years ago it did not allow me access to certain parts of my systems which I needed for my work. But basically when its on your system that is it. No more gambling online from that 1 PC. And if in doubt contact gamblock customer support they were in the past pretty speedy with reply's during office hours.

If anyone here has other info on blocking software of if I have quoted something wrong or out of date then shout up. As I said it has been a few years since I last used it. I'm pretty happy today. Liverpool just beat City Great result and a great game. A few reminders in the advert breaks about how hard it is for CG's. There were so many adverts about betting and a few about not getting carried away. Good advice, if only I'd seen that advert years ago. I guess they're missing me. I think this is another reason I'm keeping my account open.

I still feel entitled to money back. It's a very risky game I know. I feel sick to my stomach seeing that money in my account ready to be played. I've been spending the last hour looking at things I can sell off. It upsets me that I'm having to sell off prized possessions, but I've brought it on myself. It's a good job I've spent so much money on things over the years.

It's just another form of money in a way. Only problem is, I've acquired some great items over the years and now I'm technically handing them out for free Five days down now. Still struggling to come to terms with the loss. I'm finding it hard to see where and how I'm going to save all that money back up. I'm pretty impatient so it's really getting to me.

It's on my mind a lot throughout the day. Saving needs to be secondary to stopping though at the moment. Nearly a week done. I always said, if I can do a week, I can do a month. If I can do a month, I can do a year YOu can do it Adam. I am starting from scratch again after the biggest binge of my life. I love reading your posts, you are very honest and I know you will do this and you will come out of this richer - not just financially, but spiritually and emotionally.

Keep posting and keep going gamble free. There are no answers on that road, only heart ache and misery. Ok, so I can no longer access my Betfred account. I spoke to an online adviser on their site and they helped me self exclude. Given the option of between 6 months and 5 years, I told them 5 years was short enough and went from there. I've had an email since telling me I'll have to sign and resend an agreement to cancel. Also in the email it mentioned if I want to cancel the 5 years exclusion at any time I should get in touch with them to sort that out.

Seems like defeating the object to me. But I guess it's big business. If they can have me back I'm sure they'd open their arms So that's that finally sorted. One temptation taken away from me. Until I ask them nicely it appears I've never been one for Casino's luckily. I've been to Las Vegas once. I spent all my money on McDonalds, gifts and clothes. Never gambled a cent. I've also been to a Casino near where I live with a work mate. I watched him lose 20 quid on roulette in about 5 minutes.

I bought a steak and chips and a cup of tea instead and called it a night. Bandits have always been my vice and as I write this I can see two of them sparkling away in the corner of my eye.

Those temptations will be there every time I go to work. Which is a lot I need to be strong though. I can remember the last time I went a few months without playing.

Maybe 6 months or so. I cracked one night and went on the bandit. I told myself that was my reward for staying off them for so long. But that was enough to capture me back in.

Anyway, day 6, eat it! I've had a quick look at Betfred's policies, one out of interest but 2 to give you some reassurance that you are secure and you'd be better off using your energy eating McDonalds than trying to have an exclusion removed. Adam you say in your post you've received an email from Betfred stating " if I want to cancel the 5 years exclusion at any time I should get in touch with them to sort that out". During the agreed period of time the customer will not be able to place any bets nor will the customer be allowed to revoke the agreement.

I hope this puts your mind at rest, you haven't wasted your time I can't explain the wording from the email although I may ask for this to be looked into. But upon checking my older posts i noticed that after i messed up on day 1, i just carried on to day 2 regardless. Kinda shows where my heads been recently. So anyway, i've gone back and edited my older posts so i have an accurate account of my days.

That said, today is day six. Tomorrow will be day seven. That will be a week for anyone that isn't quite following. That's pretty good for a start but some way off before i'll be happy. I'm actually in a much better mood at the moment. Things will come crashing down when i eventually come to tell people, but for now, i'm happier in myself. Just to follow up on an earlier comment, i think i may of misread the email.

So i guess i'm cool with that now You're doing fantastic dude. Well done on the self exclusion. There are no poker sites left for me to play now, as the ones left don't work for mac - good thing. Thanks to net nanny gamblock doesnt work on Mac.

Clearly very little will power right now. Officially day 7 today. That's one week down and I've already managed to save nearly 2 grand up. Not sayin I'll be able to do that every week, but what a start. Anyway, not really got much to say today. Although, if anyone has any thoughts on this Anyone think this is cool or should I be swerving it full stop?

I tried to justify things like lottery, fantasy football, pools, etc as not real gambling. At the point you are at, you may be feeling the same way.

I can assure you that continuing those types of activities ARE gambling, and they do work to perpetuate our gambling itch. That's why at GA they discuss one of the steps being to make a fearless financial and moral inventory. You will need to come to the conclusion yourself of course, and I'm quite thick headed so it has taken me 4 years to root out every last avenue of gambling that was in my life.

Now finally they are all out on the table in full view to me mentally of course. I understand that if I buy stocks, my gambling brain will trigger, and I will start buying and selling to try and make a quick profit. That IS gambling, although it took 3 years to finally admit that to myself. Same goes for the sports pools etc. I justified it by saying it was only with friends, only for a small stake, just for fun, for socialization, etc You may be done with gambling today I hope!

Thinking about all of these things, weighing them, writing them down, talking with people are all tools for you to get it straight in your mind what will be needed for you to succeed. If you couldn't tell already, part of my therapy is to read others experiences and think about the times in my recovery that I ran across the same dilemmas and obstacles and how I handled them or botched them.

So I want to thank you for posting, it really helps me a lot! I have wondered to myself whether it would be dangerous to play things like the lottery and the like when in recovery. I think I guessed what the answer was, but it's good to have it confirmed by you. We can't have enough education on this addiction and the do's and don'ts while in recovery.

A full understanding is so vital to success. What could seem an innocent activity, really could send us on a downward spiral. Felt a bit shit at times today. A couple of weeks ago i wouldn't of batted an eyelid at that kinda price.

But now I've literally got nothing, even a ticket to the football or a takeaway meal seems like something I can't afford to put my money to. My mother told me I'd need to get used to saving for when I have my own house.

Well I'm getting used to it, and I don't bloody like it. I've thought about it a few times today. Only gambling small amounts and quitting while I'm ahead. These thoughts are pointless though. I always come to the same conclusion It's just not worth the risk. Hoping I stay strong. For now thought, 9 days and counting. I always found Saturday a hard day at work. Not because my jobs particularly taxing, the complete opposite in fact. I get in just before 1, then settle down in front of the TV with my weekly chippy dinner.

The only customer I get during the day joins me, so it's easy to manage the bar. Then by about half 1, with no sign of any actual work to be done, I'll start getting itchy fingers.

I used to tell myself, just go a tenner. But when it's a pound a go, a tenners not lasting much more than a minute or two.

Inevitably once I lose that I'd set on the path to chasing. Everyone knows chasing a machine is how they make their money. Reminds me of a few Saurdays back. I came in to a message left for me by a fellow gambler at work. The message was simply, I've put a fortune in the 20p bandit and it's definitely ready to go. It only takes a few quid to realise when a machine is ready to pay out and indeed it was.

Only problem is, although it's full and ready to pay out, that doesn't nececerrely mean it has to do it right away. So there I was, half past 12, 'working'. So I'm running back and forth between the bar and the bandit as people are wanting to be served. The life and times of a CG. I had some strong urges yesterday. I had a full free day to devote to gambling. I had money availble and free time. I talked to my husband, I re-read all my thread, then I posted a pledge not to gamble in March.

I am going to buy a new vacuum today with my money and spend the time shopping for it. You have to want to quit this addiction. I read the cycle of addiction and saw myself plainly in the midst of it.

The thoughts come back around and wee have to plan ahead for them. You are doing great. I know having no money to buy the simple things is hard, but day by day the path you are on, will allow you to pay your way through life. Just get to the end of today. Tomorrow is too far away to think about. That's 11 days straight now.

It definitely helps I think Sunday night is tote double night at my work. I guess it might be a good time to seek opinions on wether this is still a good idea to pursue? I guess in a way it's still gambling.

It's not something I could ever lose thousands on, but is it a gateway perhaps But for now, eleven days and counting. How would you react if your friend was addicted to heroin, now in recovery, and told you he was just going to do the smallest of hits once per week. Only once per week and only the smallest amount of course. How would you advise him? It's funny how because a lot of regular people gamble, society and social norms say that a bit of lottery or a raffle is very ok and in fact encouraged.

However, the same regular people that do heroin are viewed by society as low life junkies. In fact addictive drugs and gambling trigger very similar types of reactions in your brain. Scroll a little way up your thread for the answer. Fritz pretty much answered your question.

When in recovery, abstaining from any form of gambling is the best option. The choice is obviously yours, but we all know, any sort of bet, no matter how harmless or small, will lead on to bigger things. What's more it keeps you in the gambling, risk mentality, which I think you should avoid at all costs. Had to nip to town today for some art supplies.

Just another thing to keep me busy when I'm feeling the urge. I was watching the football last night. It annoys me how frequent there are adverts for gambling, before and after the game. Not to mention half time where they really push the odds. It's pretty annoying to see. You don't see adverts for drug addicts do you? Is gambling not as addictive as say alcohol or cigarettes?

Might just be me, but I get the feeling if I told someone I was addicted to drugs they'd be more sympathetic. But if I said I was addicted to gambling, they'd just say, well just stop gambling. Can addiction really be put in an order? I'm just babbling now But 12 days and counting.

It is hard to lose all your money with alcohol or cigarettes. You certainly don't chase thousands with that. I used to think that once I'd done a week, the problem was behind me. I feel sick to my stomach today as I write this. I thought it best to come on here and write in my journal. I've been very itchy and in my head all day today.

I've been constantly thinking about how I'm going to claw back the money I've lost. It's going to take a couple of years to even be anywhere close. All I can think at the moment is, if I just start gambling my wages every week maybe I can occasionally win the odd grand to put into my savings. I know if even once I lost my wages one week I would just dive into my savings to make it back up.

I'll never be able to escape this nightmare. I still don't feel comfortable telling anyone. I just can't face another emotional kick in the bollocks.

I think I've pretty much decided I can't tell my partner. She'd never be able to understand and relate to my problems. She won't see them as problems, she'd see it as just wasting money instead of something I couldn't control at the time. I did something silly earlier. I google searched for Dynamite Digger, which is the video slot I played all the time. It took me to Labrokes online casino.

I went as far as looking at the sign up page that would let me 'quick sign up with paypal'. It's probably been the worst day since I last gambled today. Not helped by the fact someone just went of the bandit at work and I heard that pound coin bypass the hopper and nestle in the bottom box, clearly shouting over to me "I'm full and ready to drop" Someone whose progress I am following as avidly as I might a serial.

Someone in whose struggle I see myself, and for whom I want to success against the odds in the manner of a old fashioned Greek hero. However, after I posted the system seemed to shut down at it never got posted. In essence, I am rooting for you. I know that you know that the next bet is the one to avoid. You will never be up enough - and when you are you will only gamble again to lose. I know understand how you can never win from gambling.

There are so many stories on here of people being 12K, 20K up and then instead of pocketing the money and leaving it for a few weeks, before ertruning with a clear head, you think you have it sussed and so increase the bets until its gone - and then some. CGs cannot win - I cannot win.

I proceeded to lose that and then almost a lot more. The reason you are one of my heroes is that you remind me of me. The way you write, the way you describe yourself. I think we are very different apart from we are CGs. I see you as Hercules fighting the Hydra of gambling. You can never beat the Hydra totally, but day by day you can chip at it until, after a long while, it is small and depleted. But what I now understand is that you can never bet again - because if you do, it will grow and grow.

Please continue to be a hero for me - I come to this site a lot as reading about stroies of success give me strength. I am close to wrecking everything I have. Thanks for update, keep it up man,. Just thought I would check in. Been keeping myself busy recently so haven't had much time to update. Yesterday I was in Glasgow which is absolutely packed with bookmaker's and where I have lost an absolute fortune in the past.

Me and my friend would plan a day out in Glasgow and usually our plans would change as soon as we arrived. We would go to bookies, arcades and sometimes casinos where we would pretty much always lose everything we had. Yesterday yet again I am pleased to say that even with the temptation on every corner, I did not gamble.

So today is day 12 and my focus is on finding an extra part time job so that I can earn some extra cash and start paying more onto my debts. The focus and determination is there, time to try and reclaim my life. Today has been 2 weeks since my last gamble. I feel a little bit more in control of thing's and pretty sure that in time thing's will only get better. Yesterday my friend who has the same issue and stopped the same day I did called to say he had gambled all of his money away.

Devasted for him as he has told me it all could have been prevented. Talking to him after he had lost everything made me realise just how bad a grip this has on people. It shows me that cg's can't bet on anything because we won't stop until everything is gone.

Today I did not gamble and although I am still struggling financially my mindset is getting stronger. I hope that anybody reading this has had a fantastic gamble free day. All the best Craig. Mate I'm very pleased for you. I'm sorry for your mate, does he really want to stop? Have you told him about this site? I dont have any gambling mates left except one, somebody I met in rehab. Over the years we've lent each other money in effect enabling each other to gamble.

I think you'd be making a rod for your own back if you ever lent your mate money after he's had a bad day, think very carefully if he ever asks. How did u get n talking to stepchange and your finacial companies has it helped? Hope you have a good day thanks for keeping us updto date allways here fo u. Hi everyone, it's been close to 1 week since I last posted on here so thought I better update. I have called Stepchange and was advised of the best ways to go about clearing this debt.

They recommended a Debt Management Plan which would freeze all interest on the debts I'm paying but would remain on my credit file for 6 year's. I have a mortgage and have been looking at selling up for a while, if I go on a dmp then I won't get another mortgage any time soon. I have realised that selling up would clear off 5 out of the 8 debts that I have which sounds incredible.

My girlfriend has asked me to move in with her aswel so I am definitely seeing a glimmer of hope. It all depends on how quickly I can sell up. The last few days I have been looking at how much interest I have paid on my debts over the year's, I was absolutely gobsmacked. These banks, credit card companies etc have taken ridiculous amounts of money in interest.

My eye's are open wider than ever. My urges to gamble are getting less and less, I do think at time's of how good it would be to get a nice win as it would really help out but instead of gambling,today I done my 1st car boot sale and made enough that will carry me through the next few weeks.

I was asked if I fancied a bet on the racing on Saturday, without hesitation I declined. Gambling is not an option. Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since my last gamble and although time's are still pretty tough I can honestly say that my motivation and confidence is at an all time high. To anybody reading this that might be feeling down and beat by gambling trust me when I say that the longer away from it the better the mindset.

There is only one person that can turn your life around and that's you. No matter how bad it is right now believe me when I tell you, I'm going to make it. Well done on your 3 G- free weeks Craig and on using a Debt Management Programme to help with your repayments. Two things you mention alarm me somewhat. I know a few CGs who did that "to pay off other debts".

They lost the proceeds of the sale to gambling. In my experience CGs love quick fixes and easy options so I would suggest caution. We need to be well advanced in recovery before taking such a serious step.

I'd like to echo what Vera says. Taking nothing away from you, you have done great so far, and long may it continue. You've been a gambler for 10 years, and in your own words "Every single month I struggle financially and it's all down to gambling". Personally I think it would be a bad move to sell your house after only three weeks gambling free. However we are all different. There are CGs on this forum and other websites that have sold their houses to pay off gambling debts and ended up not only skint in a short period of time, but homeless too.

I appreciate your girlfriend says that you can move in with her, but again I think that may be a wrong move at this time. You say that there's only one mate who knows of your predicament so I presume your girlfriend knows nowt about you being a CG.

It would be so wrong to move on to her home mate without first telling her of your gambling addiction. Ultimately the choices are yours but for the last ten years you've made your own choices and look where that has left you. You should be immensely proud for going this first three weeks in the right direction, and there is absolutely no reason why things should go tits up for you.

But before you consider these two major changes why not start on a few smaller ones; getting back to the gym for instance. Talking to girlfriend about things. I'm not trying to burst your bubble mate, and I'm certain that neither is Vera. We have both been around the block a few times and can spot the danger signs.

It pays to talk and share, but sometimes that involves being told things that we don't want to hear. People told me I was foolish to try and tot up the interest I had paid, or owed.

But I went ahead and done it. I will be in debt for the rest of my life even if I live to be a hundred years old, imagine that. Being a hundred and still paying for days out on fobts 50 years ago. Like me mate you have to accept was has happened has happened that money has gone, including the interest. That's where gambling takes us man. Listen mate no one can fault you for what you've achieved so far; contacting stepchange and stopping gambling brilliant. As you say the further you distance yourself from gambling, the better your mindset I hope you wait until you quite a bit further down the road of recovery before you make drastic changes.

I hope with regards to both decisions you learn from other people's mistakes and don't end up learning from your own. Thanks for the advice Vera and Geordie, I definitely have alot to think about. I really don't want to be making any mistakes. It's good to get someone else's perspective on thing's. I've stayed in my property for over 10 year's now, it's in a town centre. Back then I was going out all the time and didn't mind how noisy it was outside but now I can't stand it I must be getting old I would love to be somewhere a little quieter.

I was just reading on one of the forum's about a guy who managed to stop gambling for over 10 year's only to go back to it one night and lose a fortune. I couldn't imagine how he must have felt. It goes to show that this is something we're most likely going to be fighting against forever. Just gotta take it one day at a time and try to enjoy the thing's that really matter in life.

Again, thank you both for the advice, it is very much appreciated: Hi craig just been reading through your thread you have made some great positive moves in your new gamble free life , well done and keep it up one day at a time. Geordie asked an important question - does your girlfriend know about your gambling? And that it is a problem? Hi there, she doesn't know about the gambling at all. Not sure how she would react knowing the real reason I struggle. Anytime that we have been out together I haven't gambled, for some reason I've never wanted to gamble when I'm with her, it's something I couldn't do.

Hi Craic, Thanks for your comments on my thread. Seems like you are doing well. Different things work for different people, but you have to trust yourself first. There are many many people that have left this addiction firmly behind them and never looked back.

I had my last gamble exactly 4 week's ago today. Right now I'm thinking back to exactly what happened that day, it's something I always want to remember as I believe it will play a vital part in me hopefully never returning to this horrible addiction. I was in a local independent bookmakers playing the fobt's and I remember instantly regretting my decision to play as I knew that I wasn't leaving until I either had a win or all the money back that I had wasted that day.

As usual I was losing money then getting a small win which would take me just under the amount that I wanted. The realisation of what I had done hit me the second the balance hit zero.

Leaving the bookmakers I remember feeling completely numb,I knew that the money wasted was actually money that I needed for a trip coming up next month to head to Ireland and see Aerosmith, my friend had already booked it,I just needed to give him the money.

That day just like many other day's after gambling I vowed never to go back. That one moment of madness set me back roughly 3 month's. I was introduced to gambling roughly 10 year's ago, it has ruined my life. Since I started gambling I have always had time's where I have said "never again" only to return to it a few day's later.